Confessions of a non-practicing hedonist.

HEDONIST Hedonism Heed Honest He-don-ist... I am a hedonist, self-proclaimed, and before you go off and start forming judgments in your head, let me just tell you...I'm non-practicing. For those of you that find yourself scratching your head already, a hedonist is a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification, believing it to be the sole positive characteristic of existing. Happiness is essentially all that matters in life. Perhaps the simplest means of self-gratification is masturbation. With this in mind, take a step back and think...think hard, now don't we all see a little bit of a hedonist residing inside of all of us? Now, like I said, in this respect (playing the organ in the Right Hand Band), I am non-practicing. What's that you say?? NON-PRACTICING?? PREPOSTEROUS...be easy on me people. It has only been 10 days, and 31 days my last attempt at Abstinence, but there are some things a man won't give up and that is alcohol. So I guess I do practice hedonism nightly, because I do enjoy Scotch. It makes me happy, but it also leaves me feeling dejected and lonely with a headache the size of heartbreak and a little less money I could have spent pursuing other ventures.